This morning just overwhelmed with the idea of being single and trying to figure out what is next...
I really haven’t dated in a very long time and most of the sins that kept me physically satisfied have been shelved for well over a year now. So I begin to ponder what is next? Do I want to be single? Do I want to date? Am I just lonely and looking to fill a void in my day? And sooooo many other thoughts run through my noggin as I sit alone in my house. Yes, I realize that things are different when my kiddos are with me verses when they are with their mom. So I am aware that it’s in the stillness that I find myself wanting more… wanting conversation and companionship. Ugh…
So I pray…
I pray that I don’t lead people on. I pray that I don’t put my desires ahead of God’s will for me. I pray that I don’t look for satisfaction that I know will only be temporary pleasure. I pray that I make wise decisons with my time and my money. I pray that I am emotionally ready for whatever is next in my life. I pray that I will know when I should be available verse just not wanting to be single.
I have always pursued relationships because I did not want to be alone. I have recently found so much comfort in my faith, and I don’t feel the same needs I once did for a person to complete me. Jesus has given me peace like never before. However, I do still have moments like today. I have moments where I feel like a friendship could be so much more. I have moments where I see myself with that special person. I have moments where I want to love like my parents love.
For now I stand still. I will know when it’s right to ask someone out, or accept their invitation. I will know when it’s right to make myself available. I will know when it’s time to take down the massive walls I have put up.
Yes I am single… and one day I will be available! One day I will love like never before!